Regret or Rejoice

Yesterday I saw a short piece on regret, claiming that most people, at the end of their lives, are not filled with remorse over the things they DID but rather they start to struggle with feelings of regret over the things that they DIDN'T do. 

Life is full of choices. Yes, sometimes we can look back and wish we had done things differently. But the reality is there is always more we could have done. Or is there? We are sinful, broken, weak and frail, prone to selfishness and pride. But the hopeful "bad" news of the gospel is: You can't do enough. You don't measure up. You won't make the right choices. Even your good works are filthy rags. The "good" news in the gospel is that: Christ does measure up. Christ made all the right choices. Christ's righteousness is ours through faith. So, looking through the lens of the cross, we look at our lives and we can rejoice in a salvation freely offered, grace immeasurably extended, trials bringing about change, and God intimately at work in our hearts to make us more and more like Christ till his work is completed. We live in hope and we die in hope. We rejoice, trusting God with what was and what wasn't.

Regret?

This mother's day I celebrate my Mom along with my Grandma. So many of the beautiful and wonderful things about my mom, I also got to experience in my Grandma. My mom is generous in her hospitality, welcoming to all types of people, faithful in loving "difficult" and "different" individuals. She is committed to her husband and family, faithful as a minster of the gospel and in praying for her family and the nations. She isn't afraid to say the hard thing and perseveres under trial. She has changed over the years, always growing to be more and more like Christ. My mom is truly amazing. And she's a lot like my Grandma who went to be with our Lord April 15th, 2016.

Not many 35 year olds can say they know their grandparents well. God, in his mercy, has granted me a strong and deep friendship with my Grandma and Grandpa. I am so richly blessed!

It began as a young girl. They lived in Pakistan, so we didn't get to see them much. But they would send books to my sister and I. Along with the books they sent a cassette tape of themselves reading the books with messages of their love for us. Sometimes Grandma would fall asleep reading (my mom must have learned that from her). Being able to listen to them read to us, even though they were half-way around the world, was so special.

When I was 8 we moved to Pakistan. During these years I got to see more of my grandparents and learn to love them and enjoy them, as they loved and enjoyed me. I remember Grandma screeching at Grandpa's driving (maybe I learned that from her) as he maneuvered through the crowded streets of Karachi. I remember her sitting at her desk counting money as the treasurer for the mission. I have never seen someone count money with such speed! We always felt welcomed in their home and saw them love on so many Pakistani's and other workers. My Grandma endured so much during her years in Pakistan. Yet Grandma remained faithful and hard working. She didn't give up.

For 5 years during University I had the joy of living downstairs from my grandparents. This time allowed us to get to know each other so well, seeing one another on a daily basis, getting up in each others business, and learning to love and live together in a way that spurred each other on. During these years I was privileged to see the habits of their life. They would faithfully rise each day and spend time together in the word and prayer. I knew that each day they prayed for each one of their children and grandchildren by name. I got to witness their love for one another as they cared for each other and never let the other leave the house without a kiss. O, how they loved each other. They continued to dedicate their lives to ministering to others as they served together in their church, at the Bible for Missions Thrift Store, and in other ministries. Growing to become more like Christ didn't stop at retirement. Living for the Lord and loving others wasn't complete. They continued on. Grandma continued to welcome people. Our friends from University of all walks of life often sat at her well prepared table at Sunday lunches or holidays. As she served amazing meals, Grandpa would converse about whatever was of interest to the guest. They always had time to give and love to offer. 

Regret?

Grandma is now with the Lord. But I want to put it on record that her life was a life that can be celebrated without regret. Grandma loved Jesus. She lived a life that demonstrated that over and over again in the way she loved others and sacrificially gave. She showed such generosity and acceptance of others but without  compromise to her faith and the Truth. She endured trials in her family, ministry, her own health, and many other trials I don't even know about. Regret isn't something that taints this day of celebration. Rather, today we, her family, rejoice over the kind of mother and grandmother and great-grandmother she was to us.

Rejoice.

I rejoice that I knew Grandma as well as I did. I rejoice that my brother, who also knew her well but was there to walk these last 3 years of dementia closely with her, can say of his of this time of trial and heartache, "I wouldn't trade these years." Why? Because he saw Grandma as a woman who, even in the very depths of dementia, could still recall hymns of praise and continued to love Jesus. I rejoice that her life given to the nations has spurred her children and grandchildren to do the same. We rejoice today because we have a Mom who is much like our Grandma. We rejoice and celebrate Mom today in part because of Grandma's example of faithfulness, love and endurance. 

Rejoice.

Today I say with confidence about my Grandma:

 Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. James 1:12

Grandma stood fast. She remained faithful under trial. She was refined and now is worshipping before his throne!!!

Rejoice, for a life well lived.
Rejoice, for a Mom living life well.
Rejoice, for the gracious gift God granted for me to know my Grandma well.
Rejoice, for Grandma is with Jesus.
Rejoice, for I miss her without regret.
Rejoice!!!


This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice,

m

Grandma and Grandpa 2013... very, very much in love

Grandpa leading the singing at Grandma's memorial service. 

Mom and I!!! 

Wonder Wednesday

Today I wonder at the grace, mercy and kindness of our God, amazed at how he has "helped us thus far."

Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen and called its name Ebenezer; for he said, “Till now the Lord has helped us.”

(an ebenezer: a monument to remember)

only with the Lord's help have we come this far.

m

Undeserving Part 1

Our family has been hit pretty hard by some painful experiences in the last couple of months.
We spent over 6 weeks in the States and have now been back home for just about a month. While in the States I wrote about how we were working through this painful time.

Here's what I journaled while there:
Our family has been hit by trial.
As we work through this painful time and are caused to walk by faith and not by sight, we are continually amazed by the gracious and kind hand of our father. Daily he surprises us with his grace, comforts us through his presence, and draws us ever nearer to him as we rest in him for our everything. 
Tonight we are spending the night in a hotel. Once we reached the hotel Walt said to me, "Go run, I'll take Thomas to the pool."
Go for a run. That use to be what my mom would say to me in high school. Now, 11 years into this marriage thing it's Walt recognizing that a run can bring me so much life, refreshment and perspective. 

As I ran through the quiet neighborhood streets, leaves around me changing color, people working in their immaculate lawns, and preparing for the fall season, my heart, from years of habit, went directly to prayer, unloading my burdens at the foot of the cross and enjoying still minutes of uninterrupted intercession. Half way into my run my heart was struck with the word, "undeserving. " Over and over it played through my mind and soul, "undeserving… undeserving." Here we are in the middle of  heart break yet every day he brings new and fresh praise to our mouths and makes us amazed by the gracious, gentle, and perfect love of the Father. His presence is so real. His love so tangible. His grace so immense and overwhelming, overwhelming to the point where we can describe our situation, as tragic as it may be, as undeserving.  

Today I was especially struck by the incredible provision of friends that he has given me. For the past 25 years I have moved around a lot and yet even now I have friends that are faithfully praying for me and loving me and not just in one small town somewhere but but all over the world and all across America. Saturday I talk with a friend from Oregon, Sunday I met us with a friend from Alabama and I have been receiving emails from all over the globe. Not only words of encouragement reach our ears but we know the power of the intercession being prayed on our behalf.  
I have done nothing in my life to deserve this.
I am undeserving.

Oh how thankful I am that there is nothing I have done to make him love me less and there is nothing I can do to make him love me more. But in his perfect love he continues to love and love and give and give. He gives so much that even in the midst of the hurt, I can't help but praise the Lord for all that he is to me, undeserving as I am. I can't help but praise him for his miraculous intervention in the little details of my every day.  How great is our God!

How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

Stuart Townend Copyright © 1995 Thankyou Music 

Amazed by his love, 

m

Wonder Wednesday

How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him who brings good news, 

who publishes peace, who brings good news of happiness, 

who publishes salvation, who says to Zion, "Your God reigns." 

Isaiah 52:7

m

Wonder Wednesday

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to your. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. 

Matthew 6:33-34

When I see the little things in creation, like bees, bugs, and flowers, I am always caused to praise our Maker.  They are so tiny, seemingly insignificant, yet when we take the time to see how he has made all things, our hearts must stop and praise.  Today I wonder a the tiny things, that our Lord is their Maker and their God and they all exist for his glory!

What a Wonderful Maker!

m

Wonder Wednesday

Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! 

Blessed is the man who take refuge in him!

Oh,  fear the Lord, you his saints, 

for those who fear him have no lack!

The young lions suffer want and hunger;

but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.

Psalm 34:8-10

Today I am in wonder of how the Lord has given me this precious boy. Whereever we go he finds animals. He loves the Lord's creation and is a constant help to remind me of the wonder of our God.

m

Wonder Wednesday

Jeremiah 17:7-8

Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose trust is the Lord. He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit. 

Our God perfectly gives life to the little grass flowers that today are alive and tomorrow… 

How much more does he give us life, and breath and everything else?!

in wonder,

m

Wonder Wednesday

Psalm 67:5-7

Let the peoples praise you, O God; 

let all the peoples praise you!

The earth has yielded its increase; 

God, our God, shall bless us. 

God shall bless us; 

let all the ends of the earth fear him!

m

Wonder Wednesday

Psalm 116: 7

Return, O my soul, to your rest; 

for the LORD has dealt bountifully with you.

in worship of our Creator, 

m

Wonder Wednesday

Psalm 148:7-13

Praise the Lord from the earth,

    you great sea creatures and all deeps,

fire and hail, snow and mist,

    stormy wind fulfilling his word!

Mountains and all hills,

    fruit trees and all cedars!

Beasts and all livestock,

    creeping things and flying birds!

Kings of the earth and all peoples,

    princes and all rulers of the earth!

Young men and maidens together,

    old men and children!

Let them praise the name of the Lord,

  for his name alone is exalted;

    his majesty is above earth and heaven.

There are so many things we never see, never know… but he is the maker of them all.

in wonder, 

m

Wonder Wednesday

In preparation for Thanksgiving this year, I thought I would take the two months leading up to it to just celebrate God's beauty displayed in creation. I once read that one of the best remedies for a melancholy spirit was to get outside and just look up. How true I have found this to be.

All around us God has displayed his glory. His creation shouts his praise. His creation proclaims his wisdom. His creation melts hearts of sadness, fear and doubt to a place of recognizing the greatness of the God we worship and love. His creation reminds us that the pain we walk through, he knows. His creation causes the heart to sing, submit, and trust.

Take time to see the almighty hand of our loving Father today and wonder at his majesty with me.

The heavens declare the glory of God;

    the skies proclaim the work of his hands.

2 

Day after day they pour forth speech;

    night after night they reveal knowledge.

Psalm 19:1-2

amazed, 

m

Heart Song

I have two heart songs.
One I try to sing most mornings before I even get out of bed.  The other I am still working on memorizing the three short verses, committing it to my heart.
May your heart have a song of praise it sings/preaches to your soul no matter the circumstances you find yourself in.  If it doesn't, find a song with great truth and praise to our King and begin to sing. 

Give Me Jesus

In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise

Give me Jesus

 Chorus

Give me Jesus, give me Jesus
You can have all this world
But give me Jesus

And when I am alone

Oh and when I am alone
And when I am alone
Give me Jesus

(chorus)

And when I come to die
Oh and when I come to die
And when I come to die
Give me Jesus

(chorus)

Be still, my soul; the Lord is on thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul; thy best, thy heavenly, Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul; thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence, let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul; the waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul; the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul; when change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

What's your heart song?

m

Ten Things to Hold On To From the Last 3+ Years

Things I have learned over the past 3+ years are innumerable. Most would take a book long story to explain but here are the top 10 for today!

1. God redeems transition
   Transition after transition, loss after loss, move after move, language after language, house to house, city to city, country to country, supervisor to supervisor, and on and on and on. The years are marked not by birthdays or anniversaries but by which country we were living! We really have only had the Lord and each other as steady entities in our life.
   God doesn't change, not ever, but he is in the work of transforming his children from one degree of glory to another. All the changes and losses we have felt and experienced have been for our good, to make us more like Christ. He has work for us to be part of in each place. He has blessed us with friends and leaders. He has helped us to love each place more than the next. The transitions have taught us not to strive against God's work in our lives but to submit and be conformed to his likeness more and more. Transition doesn't get easier the more you do it. But the thing that does increase is the ability to search and see how God has worked through each one. I am thankful that God has used the transition in each of our lives to only increase our need for God's consistency.
2. Let it go.
   I think my husband would define me as a fighter, and with him I usually am. However, the years overseas have worn some of that less desirable character off. Just letting things go comes a lot more easy to me than it did 3 years ago. Whether it's issues of differences in ministry, family life, or being charged too much because I'm a foreigner, if it's not a salvation issue (and I must say, it most usually is not), why not just let it go. Life goes on, we learn, we adapt, we grow by being around people who do things differently than us. I have more room in my life for “just letting it go” but praise the Lord that some of that He has chipped away at and the temper that once was is waining, only by his grace. Only by his grace.
3. Love God, love people
   People just want to be loved. To love people, I have got to be loving God. It is only by his love outpoured in me that I can love those around me. How can I love the filthy, the sick, the broken, the accuser, the liar, the betrayer, the thief? I can't. On my own I can't. Only by loving God will I love others. People just want to be loved. To love well. I long to love well. I long to be like Jesus, willing to touch the leper, entrust myself to the betrayer, restore the liar and deserter, to see the broken and bring healing, to see the slave and set them free. O to be like Jesus. O to love like Jesus. I must continue to learn what it means to love God, to love others.
4. People are just people
   No matter where you are, what your language, citizenship, skin color, height, or weight, people are just people. There doesn't need to be “us” and “them.” No. There is just “us.” Sinners in need of a savior. So, whether I'm here with people mostly a differing race, tongue, and culture, or whether I am surrounded by people who look like me, speak and act similar to me, we are just with people, all with the same need. We all need Jesus. Either we need to hear about him for the first time, or we need to be strengthened in our faith to know him more. Whichever it is, we need Jesus. People are just people.
5. Brokenness does not equal uselessness
   Laying face down on the cold floor, I have shed many tears over the sin in my own life and over pain and hurt that has surrounding me. Lifting myself out of bed some days has only happened because I have a husband that would drive me out of bed if I didn't. Studying language on the verge of tears, day after day, I have been broken. Broken for what? For discipline. Yes. That He might heal me. Yes. My life has been marked by the words of the Psalmist: If your law had not been my delight, I would have perished in my affliction. (Psalm 119:92)
6. Forget judgement and move on with it
   Cultures differ. World-views are lightyears apart. In one country the common couple discussion is, “should we both work to keep up our lifestyle?” and in another, “should we feed just the boys today or do we have enough to feed our near starved daughter as well?” Am I above all others that I get to sit on a seat of judgement and blame people for where they are in life? How freeing it is to just move away from judgement, recognize that for each their problems are real to them and serious issues they must decide. I get to see differences and love my God for his diversity, rather than be bogged down with despising people for thinking on things I can't comprehend. I get to be moved with compassion for the hurting and suffering. I get to stir the hearts of the wealthy and comfortable. What a unique place God has given me. How I long to not live in judgement of what I might deem “trivial problems” of the West but that I would learn how to steer peoples thoughts toward Kingdom work and lasting investment. God help me!How I long to not judge the woman having her sixth cesarean, endangering her life and the future of her living 5 girls at home, just in the hopes that this child might be the long awaited boy. God help me!
7. Enjoy the “interruptions”
   I love to plan. No, really, I LOVE to plan. Each week I make a calendar and hang it in front of my desk. I use a different color pen for each person. I love knowing in advance what is going to happen. Life just doesn't work that way. How much freedom I find when able to thank the Lord for the “interruptions” that come in the day instead of get uptight and irritated. Lately I have taken the example of a friend and try to commit those interruptions to the Lord and ask for his help to see them as opportunities instead. It's amazing how an interruption can turn itself on head when my heart has a different attitude and perspective.
8. It's for my good
   From mundane things like the scorching heat to serious issues I have had to face in life over the passed 3+ years, the comfort I remind myself of on almost a daily basis is: This is for my good. God is working for me good. Never to hurt me, maybe to discipline me. Never to leave be despairing, maybe to make me trust him more. All he does for me is for my good. What an incredibly freeing truth.
9. I'm old and language learning is hard!!!
   Two languages semi learned has left me tired of language learning. Some days I just want to throw in the towel. Then with-in days of each other this happens: I sit on the park bench and talk for an hour with a stranger I have just met... share the good news in her language (Language #1). A group of women are sitting on the grass outside the hospital waiting for the safe arrival of a new baby. I get to know them... share the good news (Language #2). Knowing their language instead of just mine has opened the door in ways nothing else could have. Nothing has been lost but all the hours of study completed and those that are to come... they are all worth it! PTL!!!
10. All for his glory
    Any other reason for living here is insane! But because of his purpose and his plan, God makes it possible to live here, love it here, and look forward to as many years as God will give. It's all for his glory.
    
    
    What have you learned over the past 3+ years? Have you changed?
    
    hoping I been changed,
    m

An Attempt At a Well Rounded Education

I have been working hard these last months to make homeschooling more than just work pages, writing, reading and mathematics. So whether it's PE, Home Ec., music, or art, we always end up having a good time together.

For 20 cents I can buy clay dishes for Thomas to paint. He is always painting them for everyone but me... I wouldn't mind having one too!!! It makes for a great “Super Saturday” school activity. 

In the kitchen, Thomas is my right hand man (usually). We have one rule: Ask first. I try to let him do as much of the work as possible. We usually really enjoy our times together.

Of late we have added some sewing to our school adventures. Thomas helps pin and presses the pedal.

I was reminded of how much all BOY my son is when I asked him to collect all the pins together so that we could easily pin the cloth. This was the result.

Homeschool is so challenging and so much fun. My little boy is growing in mind, body and spirit daily. I treasure these days we get to spend together and look forward to more!

Hope you have a reason to rejoice today.

m

Staying Thankful

"do not be anxious about anything, but in everything with prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Phil. 4:6-7

Staying thankful can be hard work when my eyes get fixed on me and the temporal things of life.  However, with a perspective change, it's a little easier to see how much I have to be thankful for.

Here are 10 things in random order that I am thankful for today.

my handsome hubby of 9 years

God's colorful creation... today it's the fresh veggies and fruits off the carts that go by my house. 

 Fantastic friends God has provided for my kids and I.

My sister and best friend... for her incredible unconditional love for walt, me and the kids. 

God's CRAZY creation... and my son's audacity to pick these things up?!?   

That HIS power is made perfect in my weakness... 

My beautiful, loving, talented daughter

My creative, enthusiastic, crazy son 

Did I say thanks yet for my very weird family?  

God's peace in it all. 

There is so much more to be thankful for than just these ten things.

God is so good.  

m

Field Trip

Indian Ocean.
Nesting site of green sea turtles.
Rescue 28 baby turtles from the nasty predators (dogs, eagles, crows, etc) as they crawl out from deep within the sand where they have been laying for the last 2 months.

When was the last time you took your homeschooler on a field trip like this?!?
Thankful to the gracious God we serve!

We are so thankful for the chance to watch these little turtles climb out of the sand.
It brought me back to the happy times turtle watching with my Grandpa and Grandma.
God is so faithful.

The voice of the Lord make the deer give birth 

and strips the forests bare, 

and in his temple all cry, "Glory!" 

The Lord sits enthroned over the flood; 

the Lord sits enthroned as king forever.  

May the Lord give strength to his people! 

May the Lord bless his people with peace! 

Psalm 29:9-11

thankful,

m

What? Long Underwear Too?!?

For several months now we have been in anticipation of the renewal of our visa.
We rejoice that on Monday afternoon at 5pm it was in our hands.  This is a great relief after so many years of "wandering" from place to place we now have the "security" (nothing is secure in this nation but...) of being able to come and go without hassle for FIVE years.  Praise God!

By way of "thanks" Walt took sweets to the men in the office who had done all the work.
He also took the head man shopping to get a new a shirt and trousers.  This, too, just a gesture of, "We are thankful for your cooperation once again with renewing our visa's."
As they waited to make their purchase the man shared that he would be visiting a cold place over the Christmas holiday.  Walt told him he should take long underwear.  Well, there is was, so that was added to the pile of purchases.
Yes, my husband bought him long underwear.
What?
Yes.  Long underwear.
When was the last time you bought a government official long underwear?

I love living here.  I really love it!

m