Something So Much Greater

I have been walking with the Lord now for 30 years. The journey of knowing him only continues to grow as life goes on. There are times when I feel "flat," or am unfaithful. There are days where I wonder at the constant love of a Father who never seems to tire of me, even when I continue to be head-strong, impatient, and unbelieving. No, these things don't please him and should be ever decreasing as I grow to be more like Jesus. I'm just being honest: I'm a sinner and I'm so far from where I want to be.

Just this week I was in much need of a mental health day but instead I was having a break down. Life was more than I could handle (or so I had decided to believe). The love God was asking of me, the forgiveness he wanted from me, the patience he was demanding, I just couldn't give anything more (or so I thought). 

I walked into the kitchen past the picture of my grandparents on my fridge and was stopped. There she was, smiling. I could hear her voice, her laugh, her admonitions, her patience. I could see them, kissing, laughing together, praying together, supporting one another. 

God uses others as an example to us and in that moment I needed this reminder of Grandma and Grandpa's love for the Lord, for one another, and for others. They, too, have walked difficult days. Days of sickness, sorrow, disagreement, disappointment, and overwhelming grief. But they never were crushed, never gave up, never stopped pressing into and leaning hard on the arms of Jesus. They were faithful, even in the storm. Oh, how I, in the pit of my brokenness, needed to hear that.

But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. 2Cor. 4:7-11

Tough days are still to come. But God is more than enough. I know this from the Word. I know this from my own life. I know this from the lives of the faithful like my Grandma and Grandpa. Marriage and parenting, ministry and work, all these things the Lord calls us to are part of something so much greater. My grandparents marriage was something so much more than just two people in love choosing to live together. Their marriage is to me an example of faithfulness, perseverance and so much sweetness. Their love for their children through the good and the bad, spurs me on to love mine. Their love for the lost and continuance in ministry, spurs me on to love the lost and to continue. Their faithfulness in reading the Word each day, praying together spur me on to stay grounded daily in the word and to pray persistently. And on days that are tough, his grace is greater still. On days when I wonder at the challenges God is asking me to trust him with, I am reminded of this amazing couple and the purposefulness of their life together because the knew that they were part of something so much greater.

For it is all for your sake, so that as grace extends to more and more people it may increase thanksgiving, to the glory of God. So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. 2 Cor. 4:15-18

So, as I love my husband, sms my daughter, homeschool my son, and serve overseas for the sake of the kingdom, I will remember, this is all part of something so much greater. Faithfulness with the little things, love for the difficult person, grace for the graceless, forgiveness for the unrepentant, are all part of loving his ways more than mine because to be in Christ means to be part of something so much greater and you never know who might be watching and wondering.  

I celebrate 65 years of my grandparents love for one another for many reasons. But this week it has specifically been used in my life as a reminder of this: My marriage, parenting, relationships, work and ministry are all part of something so much greater and that even in impossible circumstances I can take heart and be courageous for God is able to do far more than I can ask or imagine, keeping me faithful to the end. 

So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord,  for we walk by faith, not by sight. Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please him.  2 Cor. 5:6-9

It's with their example I am reminded that regardless of the circumstance, I have a good, good Father who will make all grace abound to me so that in everything, at all times by his power I can live life with the aim of pleasing him. O may I be found faithful in the end.

aiming to please him just like my grandparents have, 

m

Regret or Rejoice

Yesterday I saw a short piece on regret, claiming that most people, at the end of their lives, are not filled with remorse over the things they DID but rather they start to struggle with feelings of regret over the things that they DIDN'T do. 

Life is full of choices. Yes, sometimes we can look back and wish we had done things differently. But the reality is there is always more we could have done. Or is there? We are sinful, broken, weak and frail, prone to selfishness and pride. But the hopeful "bad" news of the gospel is: You can't do enough. You don't measure up. You won't make the right choices. Even your good works are filthy rags. The "good" news in the gospel is that: Christ does measure up. Christ made all the right choices. Christ's righteousness is ours through faith. So, looking through the lens of the cross, we look at our lives and we can rejoice in a salvation freely offered, grace immeasurably extended, trials bringing about change, and God intimately at work in our hearts to make us more and more like Christ till his work is completed. We live in hope and we die in hope. We rejoice, trusting God with what was and what wasn't.

Regret?

This mother's day I celebrate my Mom along with my Grandma. So many of the beautiful and wonderful things about my mom, I also got to experience in my Grandma. My mom is generous in her hospitality, welcoming to all types of people, faithful in loving "difficult" and "different" individuals. She is committed to her husband and family, faithful as a minster of the gospel and in praying for her family and the nations. She isn't afraid to say the hard thing and perseveres under trial. She has changed over the years, always growing to be more and more like Christ. My mom is truly amazing. And she's a lot like my Grandma who went to be with our Lord April 15th, 2016.

Not many 35 year olds can say they know their grandparents well. God, in his mercy, has granted me a strong and deep friendship with my Grandma and Grandpa. I am so richly blessed!

It began as a young girl. They lived in Pakistan, so we didn't get to see them much. But they would send books to my sister and I. Along with the books they sent a cassette tape of themselves reading the books with messages of their love for us. Sometimes Grandma would fall asleep reading (my mom must have learned that from her). Being able to listen to them read to us, even though they were half-way around the world, was so special.

When I was 8 we moved to Pakistan. During these years I got to see more of my grandparents and learn to love them and enjoy them, as they loved and enjoyed me. I remember Grandma screeching at Grandpa's driving (maybe I learned that from her) as he maneuvered through the crowded streets of Karachi. I remember her sitting at her desk counting money as the treasurer for the mission. I have never seen someone count money with such speed! We always felt welcomed in their home and saw them love on so many Pakistani's and other workers. My Grandma endured so much during her years in Pakistan. Yet Grandma remained faithful and hard working. She didn't give up.

For 5 years during University I had the joy of living downstairs from my grandparents. This time allowed us to get to know each other so well, seeing one another on a daily basis, getting up in each others business, and learning to love and live together in a way that spurred each other on. During these years I was privileged to see the habits of their life. They would faithfully rise each day and spend time together in the word and prayer. I knew that each day they prayed for each one of their children and grandchildren by name. I got to witness their love for one another as they cared for each other and never let the other leave the house without a kiss. O, how they loved each other. They continued to dedicate their lives to ministering to others as they served together in their church, at the Bible for Missions Thrift Store, and in other ministries. Growing to become more like Christ didn't stop at retirement. Living for the Lord and loving others wasn't complete. They continued on. Grandma continued to welcome people. Our friends from University of all walks of life often sat at her well prepared table at Sunday lunches or holidays. As she served amazing meals, Grandpa would converse about whatever was of interest to the guest. They always had time to give and love to offer. 

Regret?

Grandma is now with the Lord. But I want to put it on record that her life was a life that can be celebrated without regret. Grandma loved Jesus. She lived a life that demonstrated that over and over again in the way she loved others and sacrificially gave. She showed such generosity and acceptance of others but without  compromise to her faith and the Truth. She endured trials in her family, ministry, her own health, and many other trials I don't even know about. Regret isn't something that taints this day of celebration. Rather, today we, her family, rejoice over the kind of mother and grandmother and great-grandmother she was to us.

Rejoice.

I rejoice that I knew Grandma as well as I did. I rejoice that my brother, who also knew her well but was there to walk these last 3 years of dementia closely with her, can say of his of this time of trial and heartache, "I wouldn't trade these years." Why? Because he saw Grandma as a woman who, even in the very depths of dementia, could still recall hymns of praise and continued to love Jesus. I rejoice that her life given to the nations has spurred her children and grandchildren to do the same. We rejoice today because we have a Mom who is much like our Grandma. We rejoice and celebrate Mom today in part because of Grandma's example of faithfulness, love and endurance. 

Rejoice.

Today I say with confidence about my Grandma:

 Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. James 1:12

Grandma stood fast. She remained faithful under trial. She was refined and now is worshipping before his throne!!!

Rejoice, for a life well lived.
Rejoice, for a Mom living life well.
Rejoice, for the gracious gift God granted for me to know my Grandma well.
Rejoice, for Grandma is with Jesus.
Rejoice, for I miss her without regret.
Rejoice!!!


This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice,

m

Grandma and Grandpa 2013... very, very much in love

Grandpa leading the singing at Grandma's memorial service. 

Mom and I!!! 

Eleven Years: God is Good

Twelve years ago tomorrow, Walt took me out for dinner on our first date. Vietnamese food (one of our favorite foods to date).
It was the beginning of our journey together that now has us celebrating 11 years of marriage today.
There was no way of knowing 12 years ago, that we would be where we are today.
We have lived across the United States, in 3 countries, adopted two kids, learned (continuing to learn) two languages, and seen more sorrow and joy than blogging allows.
God has been so good to us. He has given us an increasing love and desire for one another. He has granted us grace towards one another. He has privileged us with the responsibility of two precious children. He has allowed us to be part of his kingdom work and has kept us, through it all, loving one another and desiring to work hard at our marriage. God is so good.
When God first told me I was going to married Walt, I was on my way overseas. I was ready to brave the world a single woman, strong and over confident. The Lord had other plans and brought the two of us together. He has gifted us so differently that together we might be better equipped as well as stretched and challenged. I know it is for his glory and my good that God has called me to love, support and be a helper to my husband. I look forward to all that the next years have in store, not knowing where or what they will bring but fully confident that the things God has in store for us, he wants us to walk together, as husband and wife, for his glory and his kingdom.  I pray our marriage would only grow to reflect more and more the love Christ has for the church. I pray that I would love well and expect great things from the Lord. God is so good.

I am so thankful for Walt.
I'm thankful for his faithful love for me.
I'm thankful that he finds me just as beautiful now as the day we were married (more I think).
I'm thankful for his heart for others to meet and know Jesus as their Savior.
I'm thankful for his humility, that he is willing to say, "I was wrong," first and doesn't wait for me to say it!
I'm thankful for how he demonstrates grace and hope in our children's lives.
I'm thankful for his determination to stay in the Word each day.
I'm thankful for how he prays for me and with me.
I'm thankful for his patience with others, longing to see people grow.
I'm thankful for his passion for truth.
I'm thankful for his servant heart.
I'm thankful he longs to be more and more like Jesus.
I am so thankful for my husband!



God, you are so good.

m

Celebration of Old Age and Gray Hairs

A lot of people grow up without someone around them that they can look to and hope they will one day be a like.
For me, this is far from true.  Besides having incredible examples in my parents, I have had the joy and privilege of knowing my grandparents deeply.  God gave me 5 years of living with them in the same house during college as well as being able to watch them live and work here in our host country when I was younger.  We have a deep love for one another.  They support and encourage me from a distance.  Without a doubt, they will welcome me home no matter what state I return in.  I love them. They love me. 

Several months ago I travelled out to a village/city where several men shared of how they came to Jesus  began to serve him faithfully, much because of the influence of my grandpa.  One passed around pictures from years before.  My grandparents were there, just much younger! They have served the Lord faithfully for years! What a heritage! What a blessing! What an inspiration! What a thing to celebrate!

This morning I read: O God, from my youth you have taught me, and I still proclaim your wondrous deeds. So even to old age and gray hairs, O God, do not forsake me, until I proclaim your might to another generation, your power to all those to come. Psalm 71:17-18

My heart flew to the memories of my grandparents. For years they have proclaim God's wondrous deeds. They have hearts of praise and thanksgiving. How many times have we sat together and sang songs of worship together! For years now they have proclaimed the might of God to my sisters, brother and I. Not only that, they have declared his power to my children, their grand children. My Grandma and Grandpa continue to hope in the Lord even though extremely difficult times.  They have made the Lord their hope, their trust and their refuge. Their lives are testimony of God's faithfulness and of his kind love and care to his children, "even to old age." Their marriage is a testimony of God's grace and of their submission to his plan for faithfulness and dependence on him to carry them through the years.  Today they celebrate their wedding anniversary. Today I celebrate old age and gray hair because of our faithful and gracious Father. Today I celebrate my Grandparents!

Thank you God for my Grandparents!

Celebrating old age, 

m