Our family has been hit pretty hard by some painful experiences in the last couple of months.
We spent over 6 weeks in the States and have now been back home for just about a month. While in the States I wrote about how we were working through this painful time.
Here's what I journaled while there:
Our family has been hit by trial.
As we work through this painful time and are caused to walk by faith and not by sight, we are continually amazed by the gracious and kind hand of our father. Daily he surprises us with his grace, comforts us through his presence, and draws us ever nearer to him as we rest in him for our everything.
Tonight we are spending the night in a hotel. Once we reached the hotel Walt said to me, "Go run, I'll take Thomas to the pool."
Go for a run. That use to be what my mom would say to me in high school. Now, 11 years into this marriage thing it's Walt recognizing that a run can bring me so much life, refreshment and perspective.
As I ran through the quiet neighborhood streets, leaves around me changing color, people working in their immaculate lawns, and preparing for the fall season, my heart, from years of habit, went directly to prayer, unloading my burdens at the foot of the cross and enjoying still minutes of uninterrupted intercession. Half way into my run my heart was struck with the word, "undeserving. " Over and over it played through my mind and soul, "undeserving… undeserving." Here we are in the middle of heart break yet every day he brings new and fresh praise to our mouths and makes us amazed by the gracious, gentle, and perfect love of the Father. His presence is so real. His love so tangible. His grace so immense and overwhelming, overwhelming to the point where we can describe our situation, as tragic as it may be, as undeserving.
Today I was especially struck by the incredible provision of friends that he has given me. For the past 25 years I have moved around a lot and yet even now I have friends that are faithfully praying for me and loving me and not just in one small town somewhere but but all over the world and all across America. Saturday I talk with a friend from Oregon, Sunday I met us with a friend from Alabama and I have been receiving emails from all over the globe. Not only words of encouragement reach our ears but we know the power of the intercession being prayed on our behalf.
I have done nothing in my life to deserve this.
I am undeserving.
Oh how thankful I am that there is nothing I have done to make him love me less and there is nothing I can do to make him love me more. But in his perfect love he continues to love and love and give and give. He gives so much that even in the midst of the hurt, I can't help but praise the Lord for all that he is to me, undeserving as I am. I can't help but praise him for his miraculous intervention in the little details of my every day. How great is our God!
How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure
How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory
Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,
Call out among the scoffers
It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished
I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection
Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom
Stuart Townend
Copyright ©
1995
Thankyou Music
Amazed by his love,
m
